I'm like the Michael Jordan of relationships but when he was playing baseball..
The first rule of Introvert Club is don't talk to me. The second rule is I don't even like clubs, I quit.
I'm going to start talking to my car, just in case it is a transformer.
I turned wine into a hangover.
That's it, I'm going back to being a ninja..
If you don’t do stupid things while you’re young, you’ll have nothing to smile about when you’re old. Recently I have been insuring that I will have entertainment well into my 90's.
Decided I only like clicky pens when I'm the clicker..
Do you think Batman uses fabric softener? Maybe one of those downy balls?
My new pickup line for guys is asking them if they want to be my emergency contact.
If you're trying to get me to secretly set off a bomb, tie the detonator to the cork of a wine bottle.
Voyager 1 left the solar system 1 year ago and still gets a better signal than an iPhone at my parents house...
To all of my ponytail holders (wherever you are...) I hope you're happy!