Independence

​Time and time again I have proclaimed how independent I am, at times I've even said it with pride. Today changed all of that though. Truth can come as painful lessons that hurt to receive, but that doesn't change the fact that it needs to be said (or heard for that matter).

I didn't realize how much I need and rely on others in my life. Whether it be just someone to talk to, bounce ideas off of, share things I'm excited about with or maybe stuff a little heavier than that, struggles I'm facing, the advice I'm seeking, reminders I need. All of these things are so incredibly important and sometimes you don't realize just how critical they are until you are facing them all alone.

The last year or so I think I've spent half my time secluding myself and the other half trying to fill the void with people who are not equipped or willing to take on such monumental responsibilities.

I feel like I have morphed into a new role and I find myself desperately trying to be for others the person that I need and then when I fall short because I wasn't blessed with all of those talents, I seek shelter in people rather than in myself. I don't know if that makes me co-dependent or just human?

On the other side of things maybe it's not about me at all, perhaps sometimes we are just collateral damage. A pawn in the game of life. I could be reading into things too much and taking it personally because the impact is personal. Our minds are beautifully intricate, and sometimes they are more machine than the task at hand needs.