Yesterday I received a meeting invite from my boss that had no agenda and the title was "Carrier Onboarding." I replied asking if this was in fact "Carrier Onboarding" or if auto correct changed "Carrie" to "Carrier" and since I was the only person on the invite did it mean I was trouble for something? He quickly updated the meeting invite so that the subject simply said "Onboarding" and no reply to my second question about whether or not I was in trouble. 5 hours later and a stressed out Carrie, we had our team meeting, and it was business as usual, but the girl in me just couldn't stop worrying that I had done something wrong. So after the meeting, I sent him a message that said "So you didn't respond yet on whether or not tomorrow's "Onboarding" was me being in trouble for something…" His response was "No problem just wanted to get your opinion." That is when it sank in that I am new to the team and also new to the company, and since he has an open position that he is working to fill, common sense says he probably wants to talk about my onboarding experience… Good thing I was so stressed out! 

Today I learned that things are not always what they seem, what seems to be going well might not be. Let's face it, life for me hasn't been all rainbows and butterflies recently. That being said, there were a few things that I thought were solid. Things I thought I didn't need to worry about, but today I learned otherwise. The pessimistic side of me says that I should know better than to ever rely on anyone else and that I can do it on my own because I am strong, smart and capable. I like that side of me, the confident side that won't hesitate to say fuck you, I'm out but that is the only part I like because after the dust settles I always regret throwing in the towel so soon. The optimistic side of me says, hey give things the benefit of the doubt, keep your head up, everything will be ok! But then the cynicism sets in and tries to convince me that I'm a fool for thinking that everything could workout to be alright because things just don't usually do that. I hate that life isn't always what it seems and that more often than not, I realize that a little too late in the game. At this point I'm stuck with just waiting to see what happens. And stuck in limbo is almost my least favorite vacationing spot.