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My Recent Status Updates: Part Three

2/8/2017

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If you missed my first blog post on status updates you can find it here: www.mychairspins.com/my-blog/my-recent-status-updates.  
If you missed my second blog post on status updates you can find it here:  www.mychairspins.com/my-blog/my-recent-status-updates-part-two

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Now for part three!!!!

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You know its bad when you feel like your life is being directed by Quentin Tarantino
The "best part of waking up" doesn't even make sense..
If you are having a bad day, remember that somewhere on this big planet, someone just lost their straw in a capri sun!!!
Calm down shouty museum man. I think it's pretty obvious that I know how to ride a dinosaur skeleton.
I'll call it a smartphone the day I yell "Where's my phone?" and it yells back "Down here in the couch cushions!"
How can i be expected to make life choices when I still use my fingers to count? 
I really like compliments but I don't want anyone talking to me..
Being an adult is basically a "choose your own adventure" book, but every choice sounds terrible.
No matter how prepared you think you are, a retractable vacuum cord will always find the weakness in your defense. 
I trust Snapple facts more than CNN and Fox News.
I wonder how many people die each year from lifeguards running in slow motion?
Some people are flirting with my delete and block button..
I'm feeling about as useful as a stoplight in Grand Theft Auto. 
Eventually some poor astronaut is going to crash into all that Star Wars writing. 
The downside of DVR is getting freaked out by a tornado warning from four days ago..
Dear Santa, before I try to explain... Just how much do you already know?
There are too many people who could ruin my life by posting a screenshot of a text message conversation we've had.
Yawning is our body's way of saying 20% battery life remaining. 
My statuses are so much better if you imagine they are being read by Morgan Freeman.
Sometimes in life you have to give the people around you a little push... Into traffic.
If I had a British accent, I would never stop talking.
Bored, so I am going to find a kid that looks like me and tell her that I'm her from the future.
Netflix - Hoping my nephews ex college roommate doesn't change the password. 
Just tried to put my seat belt on.. At my desk.. I'm pretty.
I would rather lie there and accept death than try to get out of a hammock while anyone is watching me.
If watching Chandler play video games has taught me anything, it's that if you encounter enemies then you're going the right way!
If a zombie apocalypse ever breaks out I really hope it's on a night that I have Chandler, otherwise I won't survive.
I eat my gummy bears 2 at a time, no one should die alone.
I just need someone to feed me and tell me that I am pretty. 
I wonder if when I die they will publish the "notes" on my iPhone as great unfinished works.
I can't be held responsible for what my face does when you talk..
People who can finish a shampoo bottle at the same time as the conditioner are truly ninja's.
Still have not used all the free hours from my AOL start up disk..
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The Writing Is On The Wall

1/26/2017

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I have been a writer since I was a little. I loved crayons, pens, pencils, paint, and markers. Back then we didn't have "washable" markers, but the regular ole Crayola markers got the job done. I had a sixth sense for knowing any time the permanent markers were left out, and even though I knew I wasn't supposed to use them, it was like I completely lost all self-control was forced to make my mark on something! Usually, I would write on a wall or in a book, sometimes even the bedroom or bathroom door.

My parents finally decided it was hopeless to try to paint over or replace whatever I had written on and I would usually get off with a warning or stern talking to. But now and then I liked to push the limits, like the time I colored this beautiful five story, white with blue trim, doll house my dad made for me with a red magic marker because it was Christmas time and my babies needed their house decorated for the holidays. That story ended with my dad repainting the doll house and giving it away to my cousin; he even made me ride with him to deliver it! I don't have proof of the baby or most of my other masterpieces, but I do have pictures of some of my other handy work.
My parents finally decided it was hopeless to try to paint over or replace whatever I had written on and I would usually get off with a warning or stern talking to. But every now and then I liked to really push the limits, like the time I colored this beautiful 5 story, white with blue trim, doll house my dad made for me with a red magic marker because it was Christmas time and my dolls needed their house decorated for the holidays. That story ended with my dad repainting the doll house and giving it away to my cousin, he even made me ride with him to deliver it! I don't have proof of the doll or most of my other masterpieces but I do have pictures of some of my other handy work.
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Chan's rendition of the Tom Cruise underpants dance from "Risky Business"

12/12/2016

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Live at the dentist, I tweeted.

9/12/2014

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Chandler had to get a filling and since his past dental experiences haven't went so great we decided it was best for him to be sedated. Nothing too over the top but in order to drink the special feel good juice we had to arrive an hour early so he could drink it, wait an hour and then get his filling. This was my waiting room experience..

Oh my goodness, witnessing "mom of the year" chasing her screaming child around the dentists office..

— Carrie Williams (@carrieyou) September 10, 2014

Now he has kicked off his rain boots and "mom of the year" has threatened to spank him 4 times.

— Carrie Williams (@carrieyou) September 10, 2014

He just got lose and ran the opposite direction of her screaming "but I don't want a drink of water"

— Carrie Williams (@carrieyou) September 10, 2014

"Mom of the year" handed over her iPhone and all is well in the world again! Whew!

— Carrie Williams (@carrieyou) September 10, 2014

Just kidding, due to an incoming text message the screaming match is back, game on!

— Carrie Williams (@carrieyou) September 10, 2014

Now he's screaming "I want my daddy" and I admit, I kind of want him to have his daddy too..

— Carrie Williams (@carrieyou) September 10, 2014

"mom of the year" must only know how to count to 4 because she's made it that far twice and then I think she just gives up!

— Carrie Williams (@carrieyou) September 10, 2014

Thinking after this chaos, I should get to share Chandler's laughing gas..

— Carrie Williams (@carrieyou) September 10, 2014

Didn't know little boys had such high-pitched screams!

— Carrie Williams (@carrieyou) September 10, 2014

Wouldn't it be great if someone would give that kid a red bull and a kitten as they leave? One can hope..

— Carrie Williams (@carrieyou) September 10, 2014

Now rain boots and socks have been scattered across the waiting room floor and the screaming continues to the tune of "leave me alone"

— Carrie Williams (@carrieyou) September 10, 2014

What alarms me slightly is how calm "mom of the year"

— Carrie Williams (@carrieyou) September 10, 2014

This would only take place on the one time we must arrive 1 hour early, to sit in the waiting room..

— Carrie Williams (@carrieyou) September 10, 2014

Now the screaming has stopped and evolved into dragging his hand around the circular fish tank, making a 'nails on the chalkboard' sound

— Carrie Williams (@carrieyou) September 10, 2014

Oh shit screaming kid has a brother, this should be interesting..

— Carrie Williams (@carrieyou) September 10, 2014

Screaming kid got super quiet, "mom of the year" should've known he was digging someone's water cup out of the trash to have a taste..

— Carrie Williams (@carrieyou) September 10, 2014

I could not make this shit up..

— Carrie Williams (@carrieyou) September 10, 2014

Well they called his name but I'm sure he will be back, seeing as he left his tai boots in the waiting room.. pic.twitter.com/MvTtVzpBPY

— Carrie Williams (@carrieyou) September 10, 2014

Why does this need a handle? screaming kid currently knocking profusely like a candy crazed kid on Halloween.. pic.twitter.com/9ca6aUmsVN

— Carrie Williams (@carrieyou) September 10, 2014

You can't stand on the waiting room couch, but apparently jumping is allowed! Sign me up!

— Carrie Williams (@carrieyou) September 10, 2014

Woohoo! Gold Stars for the receptionist who magically appeared with goldfish! Well played! Cheesy crackers are delicious little Heroes!

— Carrie Williams (@carrieyou) September 10, 2014

Shows over! Nothing to see here! Move along, nothing left but one of screaming kids socks now!!! pic.twitter.com/zdEdzr9ewg

— Carrie Williams (@carrieyou) September 10, 2014
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