If you missed my first blog post on status updates you can find it here: www.mychairspins.com/my-blog/my-recent-status-updates.
If you missed my second blog post on status updates you can find it here: www.mychairspins.com/my-blog/my-recent-status-updates-part-two
Now for part three!!!!
You know its bad when you feel like your life is being directed by Quentin Tarantino
The "best part of waking up" doesn't even make sense..
If you are having a bad day, remember that somewhere on this big planet, someone just lost their straw in a capri sun!!!
Calm down shouty museum man. I think it's pretty obvious that I know how to ride a dinosaur skeleton.
I'll call it a smartphone the day I yell "Where's my phone?" and it yells back "Down here in the couch cushions!"
How can i be expected to make life choices when I still use my fingers to count?
I really like compliments but I don't want anyone talking to me..
Being an adult is basically a "choose your own adventure" book, but every choice sounds terrible.
No matter how prepared you think you are, a retractable vacuum cord will always find the weakness in your defense.
I trust Snapple facts more than CNN and Fox News.
I wonder how many people die each year from lifeguards running in slow motion?
Some people are flirting with my delete and block button..
I'm feeling about as useful as a stoplight in Grand Theft Auto.
Eventually some poor astronaut is going to crash into all that Star Wars writing.
The downside of DVR is getting freaked out by a tornado warning from four days ago..
Dear Santa, before I try to explain... Just how much do you already know?
There are too many people who could ruin my life by posting a screenshot of a text message conversation we've had.
Yawning is our body's way of saying 20% battery life remaining.
My statuses are so much better if you imagine they are being read by Morgan Freeman.
Sometimes in life you have to give the people around you a little push... Into traffic.
If I had a British accent, I would never stop talking.
Bored, so I am going to find a kid that looks like me and tell her that I'm her from the future.
Netflix - Hoping my nephews ex college roommate doesn't change the password.
Just tried to put my seat belt on.. At my desk.. I'm pretty.
I would rather lie there and accept death than try to get out of a hammock while anyone is watching me.
If watching Chandler play video games has taught me anything, it's that if you encounter enemies then you're going the right way!
If a zombie apocalypse ever breaks out I really hope it's on a night that I have Chandler, otherwise I won't survive.
I eat my gummy bears 2 at a time, no one should die alone.
I just need someone to feed me and tell me that I am pretty.
I wonder if when I die they will publish the "notes" on my iPhone as great unfinished works.
I can't be held responsible for what my face does when you talk..
People who can finish a shampoo bottle at the same time as the conditioner are truly ninja's.
Still have not used all the free hours from my AOL start up disk..
The Writing Is On The Wall
I have been a writer since I was a little. I loved crayons, pens, pencils, paint, and markers. Back then we didn't have "washable" markers, but the regular ole Crayola markers got the job done. I had a sixth sense for knowing any time the permanent markers were left out, and even though I knew I wasn't supposed to use them, it was like I completely lost all self-control was forced to make my mark on something! Usually, I would write on a wall or in a book, sometimes even the bedroom or bathroom door.
My parents finally decided it was hopeless to try to paint over or replace whatever I had written on and I would usually get off with a warning or stern talking to. But now and then I liked to push the limits, like the time I colored this beautiful five story, white with blue trim, doll house my dad made for me with a red magic marker because it was Christmas time and my babies needed their house decorated for the holidays. That story ended with my dad repainting the doll house and giving it away to my cousin; he even made me ride with him to deliver it! I don't have proof of the baby or most of my other masterpieces, but I do have pictures of some of my other handy work.
My parents finally decided it was hopeless to try to paint over or replace whatever I had written on and I would usually get off with a warning or stern talking to. But every now and then I liked to really push the limits, like the time I colored this beautiful 5 story, white with blue trim, doll house my dad made for me with a red magic marker because it was Christmas time and my dolls needed their house decorated for the holidays. That story ended with my dad repainting the doll house and giving it away to my cousin, he even made me ride with him to deliver it! I don't have proof of the doll or most of my other masterpieces but I do have pictures of some of my other handy work.
Live at the dentist, I tweeted.
Chandler had to get a filling and since his past dental experiences haven't went so great we decided it was best for him to be sedated. Nothing too over the top but in order to drink the special feel good juice we had to arrive an hour early so he could drink it, wait an hour and then get his filling. This was my waiting room experience..