Can't Make Sense Of It..

I spent a good portion of today thinking about all of the things I am thankful for. That list included my family and friends, my freedom, womens rights, our military, my job, a roof over my head, all of my past experiences and the future ones to come. I am thankful for so much it would literally take me all night just to get started.

I have to say though that at this very moment, more than anything I feel a great sense of frustration because while I have more than a million reasons to focus solely on those things I am thankful for I find myself extremely frustrated over a few minor things that I am not thankful for.  

I am angry about the time I invested in someone who couldn't or maybe wouldn't but regardless of the reason they didn't make or find the time to have simple conversations that would've changed everything. I gave my trust, my love, my loyalty, my patience and a significant amount of my time and for what? I lost a lot and my heart hurts because I got too close, I let my guard down and let myself believe that my family had grown significantly and I probably should have known better, maybe I did know better and just didn't care because I believed it was possible. 

All that being said I don't blame anyone, in fact I get it and I genuinely believe that everyone deserves to be happy and for anyone I've ever loved, I hope they find what they are looking for because life has so much goodness to offer but its easy to overlook or play down its importance when all you can see is the bad or the negative or the sadness, madness or hurt that something has left in the front of your mind. I make mistakes everyday, I don't know everything and my way is not always the right or best way but I do know that tomorrow I will be a better version of myself and not only can I live with that, it makes me really freaking awesome. 

I started this blog as a way to say the words that I've not always been brave enough to say face to face, a way to deal with things in a manner that shares my experiences or my ridiculousness or my humor with others so that they can laugh at me or with me, maybe even find simplicity in something they are dealing with because of something I wrote. I don't rant or vent too often but every now and then I think its healthy to get it off your chest, I know I feel better!

So back to being thankful.. I'm thankful for new friendships, new experiences and new relationships. Butterflies are a good thing, you can never have too many butterflies! Getting to know someone is a lot of work and not all of it is fun but I know that when I interact with someone I hope that they are giving me the benefit of the doubt, I pray that they are holding on to the smallest glimpse of hope that maybe I'm worth it, maybe the possibilities are endless. I know I do, I have a habit of seeing the good in people. Some call that being naive but that isn't it. I'm not inexperienced, believe me I've had just about every type of relationship you can think of! I see the good in people because I have to believe that there is good in all of us, if there isn't what is the alternative?

​Off my soap box for now..