Sitting next to someone in silence because neither of you know what words to say. A hand reaching out to hold yours because they know you need something to hold on to. A call or text just to say "hey, I'm thinking about you." Someone simply asking, "is there anything I can do for you?"
I just recently learned what this kind of love feels like and I have to say it feels really good. When you are grieving the loss of someone close to you it tries to mold you into someone you're not, its like you have to fight to stay you. Fight not to let the sad darkness take over.
I am blessed to have an amazing family, they have always shown unconditional love but I've never had a significant other that was capable of doing the same until now. I don't know what I would do without Andrew, I never knew I could feel so strongly for someone on so many levels. My heart is full of love and happiness even during these difficult times. I am thankful for the life I lead.
It has been quite a while since I've posted anything. I guess I didn't want to share anything because I have felt lost and as silly as it sounds I kept telling myself "just wait until you get it together a little better and then write something." but the thing is, when do we really have it all together? I mean life is all about change and evolving, trying to become the best version of yourself and if you wait for just the right moment then you'll be waiting forever and missing all the really amazing things that happen in front of you every single day.
The tragic loss of a good friend prompted me to get some of what I've been thinking and feeling written down and during that process I came up with a few things I am sure of...
1. I'm tired of wasting time, I want to know the intentions of those I spend the most time with.
2. Life is too short to live in limbo.
3. I have the most amazing family and friends a girl could ever ask for.
4. I love my job! The work I do, the people I work with, everything about it is wonderful.
5. My son is the coolest kid I know, he is brilliant and witty, kindhearted, thoughtful and caring and I don't know how I created someone so perfect, I definitely had a whole lot of help!
There are still so many things that I am not sure of but I do have faith that things will work out as they should and that everything happens for a reason. For now I'll leave you with my favorite Marilyn quote:
"I'm selfish, impatient, and a little insecure. I make mistakes, I'm out of control, and at times hard to handle. But if you can't handle me at my worst, then you sure as hell don't deserve me at my best."
- Marilyn Monroe