I admit this post is going to be a little out of my comfort zone because I usually prefer privacy and to keep my personal life personal but I've learned some really challenging lessons recently. Lessons that I wish I would've learned at a different place during a different time. Chalk it up to life lessons I guess and I will ultimately be a better version of myself for it.
The relationship I was in recently for nearly a year ended not long ago, this happens to be the first time I've ever been on the receiving end of this so as you can imagine not only was my pride hurt but I was really confused too because I thought we were really perfect for each other, I thought he was the one and as naive as it sounds, I honestly thought he felt the same way. Nevertheless, that was not the case and for whatever reason it was not our time. I took it really hard and I was living proof that women are crazy and after this, I'm not sure I ever want to get back on another roller coaster, this one did me in!
No matter how logical I tried to be, no matter how many pep talks I gave myself, I couldn't fight the intense desire to reach out to him. As you can imagine, all I did was make it worse. I said horrible things, things that I didn't mean. I basically lashed out at him because I was hurting and I wanted to make sure that he was hurting equally. The problem with this thought process is that I was being completely unfair because he is the most amazing man I've ever met (my dad excluded).
I'm just now getting my bearings and starting to look at things with a clear mind. Justin was really good to me, our relationship (for the most part) was extremely healthy (especially if you look at my track record). Sure we had obstacles to work through but in the end we seemed to work through them fairly well. We had a whole lot of fun together and were very supportive of each other. I think I could speak for both of us when I say that we both deeply cared for each others family and friends as well. I will always hold a special place in my heart for all of the Tipton's and I want to thank them all for the positive impact they've had on my life.
After having some time to reflect and settle down, the whole experience makes me smile and I'm so grateful for the experience. The first lesson that has become clear to me is that you can take two amazing people and put them together and they may not be amazing together forever. That doesn't make either of them a bad person it just makes us uniquely ourselves. The second lesson I've learned is that I have to do a better job of being accountable to myself.
I had so much fun with Justin and the band that I didn't even notice that weeks would go by where I wasn't playing pool at all, I wasn't writing or spending much time with my family. You know it took me a long time to become strong, driven and independent and now looking back its like I made a choice to trade all of that in for someone else's goals, dreams, commitments. I lost myself in loving him and while I could have probably went on like that for a lot longer, now I understand that eventually I would start to resent him (even though I really did it to myself).
No one asked anything of me, everything that I was doing was my own choice because I genuinely wanted to be a part of what The Tipton's represent. They are an amazing family and the band is incredible! If you haven't seen them I strongly suggest doing so at some point! I have no doubt, they are going to accomplish great things, I wish them all success and happiness and I feel privileged that I got to know them as well as I did. I will forever be a fan!
Man this post is getting long and I am sure my soap box is ready for a break so I will try to wrap this up. I want to say thank you Justin for teaching me so much about myself, for always making me smile and for sharing so much of your world for me and always making me feel wanted and loved and like I belonged. I also want to say that I am going to be alright, in fact I'm going to be great and I know you will be too! I needed a chance to ground myself again and you gave me that, words can not express how much I respect and admire you.
Thank you for giving me a chance to experience what I would consider a really wholesome relationship. I can't wait to see what the future holds but I'm excited and ready. I will always have love for you and I wouldn't change a thing. I wish you nothing but the best!
Happy Friday! Feel free to comment, they are always welcome!