Yesterday I received a meeting invite from my boss that had no agenda and the title was "Carrier Onboarding." I replied asking if this was in fact "Carrier Onboarding" or if auto correct changed "Carrie" to "Carrier" and since I was the only person on the invite did it mean I was trouble for something? He quickly updated the meeting invite so that the subject simply said "Onboarding" and no reply to my second question about whether or not I was in trouble. 5 hours later and a stressed out Carrie, we had our team meeting, and it was business as usual, but the girl in me just couldn't stop worrying that I had done something wrong. So after the meeting, I sent him a message that said "So you didn't respond yet on whether or not tomorrow's "Onboarding" was me being in trouble for something…" His response was "No problem just wanted to get your opinion." That is when it sank in that I am new to the team and also new to the company, and since he has an open position that he is working to fill, common sense says he probably wants to talk about my onboarding experience… Good thing I was so stressed out!
No really, the new mattress is like laying on a bed of roses. That being said, I feel much better today! I am a girl, I am really good at over analyzing things. I can turn something into an unrecognizable version of itself and completely rationalize it in my head. Fortunately I have an awesome boyfriend who is kind, understanding, patient and willing to work with me so that things continue moving in the right direction. I am loved and it is really good to be loved. That is all!
Today I learned that things are not always what they seem, what seems to be going well might not be. Let's face it, life for me hasn't been all rainbows and butterflies recently. That being said, there were a few things that I thought were solid. Things I thought I didn't need to worry about, but today I learned otherwise. The pessimistic side of me says that I should know better than to ever rely on anyone else and that I can do it on my own because I am strong, smart and capable. I like that side of me, the confident side that won't hesitate to say fuck you, I'm out but that is the only part I like because after the dust settles I always regret throwing in the towel so soon. The optimistic side of me says, hey give things the benefit of the doubt, keep your head up, everything will be ok! But then the cynicism sets in and tries to convince me that I'm a fool for thinking that everything could workout to be alright because things just don't usually do that. I hate that life isn't always what it seems and that more often than not, I realize that a little too late in the game. At this point I'm stuck with just waiting to see what happens. And stuck in limbo is almost my least favorite vacationing spot.
Yesterday was a rough day for me. I love my job but I am new, which means there is a learning curve and it takes time to transition. I fell short on a project that I am working, I didn't coordinate properly which left me a little unprepared for a call. Ultimately, I was able to course correct with little impact to the project and the project team but it made me realize that I am not perfect. I make mistakes but at the end of the day I feel like I am successful, productive and working toward being a better version of myself.